He drinks organic Swiss chard every 42 minutes. He refuses to be in the same room as plastic. He vomits on gluten-containing products. He wears Power Bar-sponsored spandex and bikes his 43-mile commute to work (and tells you about it). He does 3 sets of 12, even during sex. And afterwards, he asks if you mind standing up while cuddling.
He’s Mr. Extreme (“That Guy” ‘s cousin). You may know some version of him, or even have a little bit of him in yourself. There’s something about reading a hot topic and stepping it up 24 orders of magnitude that seems to really drive our cars, instantly making us feel in control, superior, healthy…Moderation is for pussy cats who can’t hack the real deal.
But today’s blog is not about the mental issues Mr. Extreme and his devotees cultivate in their organically obsessive brains. Today is about the fact that last month his self-centered butt donated all the chairs in your house to his worst enemies…Is Mr. Extreme finally onto something? Or is he just secretly wishing for varicose veins because he heard they are the next badge of health?
“I wash my abs with milk”
I promised the follow up to Part 1 of the Calcium questions...
Close your eyes and imagine the crisp sound of a soda can opening. The fizz awakens and rushes to the surface, each CO2 bubble racing to be the first to exhale into the world, breaking free from the aluminum womb. You can almost feel your dopamine transmitters following suit, effervescing around your pleasure center, and picking up speed as you delicately kiss the lip of the can for that deeply satisfying quench of the first sip.
Quick. What was the can you were sipping? Coke? Or Diet Coke? Pshaw, you say! Obviously Diet Coke, because we all know that Coke is just liquid calories that contribute to weight gain because your body doesn’t get full from it. Diet Coke is the greatest! You get (almost) all the taste, without any of the calories! It’s a free lunch! (Heck, it’s a free stay at a knock-off resort in Canada, for that matter!)
Or is it? Hater headlines scream “Diet Coke: the devil’s spawn, and your waist’s worst nightmare!” “ Not-So-Diet Soda: Tipping your scale!”
Are they right? Or don’t these people have something better to worry about? :(?
You’re bloated. You’re tired. You’re irritated. “Is this all life has to offer?” You slap peanut butter on your same-see-it-all-the-time bagel, wishing your life could be more exciting and fresh. You squint your eyes at your dear toasted buddy, and begin to wonder….Could it be true that your comfort BFF is the real enemy? You need something to blame your woes on, and the media, your friends, even your gym have all been desperately screaming at you who they think the culprit is: Carbs. Dump that loser Carb from your life, and your troubles, and trouble areas, will melt away!
But you’ve been together so long! Should you really end your relationship?! Or will you find a new set of problems in the almost-too-green-to-be-real grass on the other side of your fence? Before you kick your Carb-mate to the curb, let’s see what the research says you can expect if you decide to “break up” with Carbohydrates…*
(Blog previously posted on nutrivise.tumblr.com!)