Oye, from the sewers of ennui, atrophy, and Law and Order reruns-y.
After 2.5 weeks of the flu and now bronchitis, I have lost all ability to give a schpit about anything, I sleep more than my dog, and I’m so stuck on the bottom rung of Maslow’s Hierarchy that I can’t even throw myself a pity party. And if you threw me one, I wouldn’t show up.
In fact, I almost went to the drugstore naked because 1. My skin hurt too much to wear clothing, and 2. Cold prison walls might finally break my fever without shredding open my liver at the same time.
So. What better time to talk about dietary supplements we all take to avoid this awfulness.
Let’s first check what you can do to not spend your days plotting your own death.
Megan A. from Jazzercise Los Altos asks:
Do you think glucosamine and chondroitin really help joints (even for people without arthritis) and if so, how much and which one?
Great question, Megan! Glucosamine is being jammed into our faces as the magical cure for joint pain, so much so that some of my supp-worshiper friends are taking it prophylactically, as if popping Glucosamine-coated maltballs is going to prevent them from any skeletal issues they might incur from repetitively playing rugby with guys the size of sofas.
What’s the sitch?
“I wash my abs with milk”
I promised the follow up to Part 1 of the Calcium questions...
Is Calcium Tricking Us?
“I heard that calcium causes heart disease! I’m emptying all my yogurt on my lawn for those cats that brawl outside my window at 4 AM to eat.”
“My bones are fine! I’m so young, and I wear a weighted vest to school. I don’t need calcium!”
“I get all my calcium from broccoli and spinach! Screw milk!”
“Uh…will dairy products make me lose weight?”
I grouped all these questions together to form this week’s quickie. If you think you could give two zits about calcium, and it certainly isn’t a concern of yours that ranks higher than wondering how Snookie’s new maternity line of clothing is panning out, then you among all people should read on to find out more about this super awesome and controversial mineral. Continue reading
REDBULL GIVES US WINGS!! (Seth Casteel’s brilliant photography!)
Caffeine fashion has evolved. In the sweet yore-days, I worked at Starbucks, where this one strung-out guy would roll deep with his posse every night before closing and ask for his “late 8,” a packed 8 shots of espresso he’d promptly slam to demonstrate he actually could compensate for his shortcomings. Bartending through grad school, I’d see a different dude stumble in; he, too, would ask just a little too loudly for a Redbull-vodka, bragging to the nearby barstool that the caffeine “metabolizes the alcohol so I can drink more.” (PS, dude #2: not true!) And now, we have the calorie-conscious, I’m-so-productive-I-exhale-steam 4 AM worker-outers who heed Jim Rome’s morning plugs for a 5-Hour Energy shot, with all the caffeine you need in one little 1.5 oz mini iridescent bottle.
What gives? Is this cool? Should we all trade in our coffees for some Venom Hyperdrive so we, too, can dominate our own little worlds with a swagger and some to spare, despite the fact that our eyelid twitches and we absentmindedly consume our cuticles during “downtime”?
Where last we left off, we were lugging our suitcases of $537 worth of all-natural supplements to our car after talking to Edna, the nutrition expert in our local crunchy-munchy-raw-n-natural-morally-superior health food store. After hearing that self-titled nutrition experts aren’t necessarily educated or licensed like dietitians, you retort
“But fine. So what!? I happened to have $537 that I WANT to spend on these things that may or may not help me achieve all my dreams. If I end up happier / younger / turning into <insert Hollywood Heart-Throb here>’s look-alike or girlfriend, sweet. If not, oh well, no harm no foul, right?”
(Blog previously posted on nutrivise.tumblr.com!)
You know how it goes. You show up to the “health section” of a health food store or supplement department. Oftentimes an eager but nonaggressive person wearing a “nutrition expert” badge will sidle up to you with a warm and compassionate smile. “Can I help you?” she asks, her bright skin and smile seeming luminescent in the industrial light….
(Blog previously posted on Nutrivise.tumblr.com!)